It seemed like I had spent an eternity barricaded at the corner of a cliff between who I forced myself to be and who I’m meant to be.
Who I forced myself to be: I conspired against myself to limit my unlimited mind. I created false boundaries, drew imaginary lines in my capabilities, and surrounded myself with people who encouraged this. I brought to life a dull gray version of myself. Frankenstein’s monster was more embellished than the one I had created. Even worse, I was forced to stare at mine in the mirror everyday. I repeated the mantra “This is normal.” until I began to believe it.
I’ve always been a metaphorical fighter (okay, physical too, sue me). There’s something about proving myself wrong that I’m addicted to.
Who I’m meant to be: I trained myself to build a resilient attitude toward the voice that nagged me for years on end. Told me that I couldn’t or shouldn’t or wouldn’t. The voice that silenced me, lowered my worth, and reprimanded me for having hopes and dreams. Slowly but surely, I silenced it and those around me. Today, after years of fighting, I finally learned that what I’m meant to do is to give love beautifully and abundantly. With the inner knowledge that treating others the way I feel I deserve will allow the universe to give me the same kind of abundance in return.