September 18, 2016

I have been so overwhelmed with work and school that it seems I’m straying away from my blog a bit. I am so desperately trying to avoid that, however, there is an internalized pressure brewing within me. You see, I was raised upon “You have to’s” which I deeply credit toward the perfectionist facade that lingers within me.

“You have to finish school.”
“You have to get good grades.”
“You have to behave.”
“You have to set an example for your sisters.”

You have to.

It is undoubtedly not a surprise that I feel I have to play the part of an immaculate individual; unscathed and pristine. Whatever that may truly mean. I adhere to the personalized recurring theme in my life that if I do things as correctly as I can, I will prosper. People will like me. I will appeal to others which, in turn, will open doors, opportunities, a field of possibilities in my horizon, though, nothing could be further from the truth. I have begun to endlessly remind myself that it is okay to make mistakes, it is okay for others to have their smudged perceptions of me from time to time. I am teaching myself that although I may not be omniscient, although I am not one hundred percent sure what happens after death, I know that for now I am human and that is okay. The sun will always rise again.

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