August 20, 2016

My mind tried to asphyxiate me today by filling itself with melodramatic fantasies of can nots and will nots. The words forcibly trying to squeeze themselves between the cracks of the brain cortex attempting to find a pathway through the amygdala, destroying any sense of exuberant vitality, of worth, reacting solely on compulsive emotions and memories of the past. I resisted. I resisted the cold tantalizing ghosts of not so distant memories. I resisted the burdening spiraling madness of disillusion; a direct derivative of existing in this three dimensional globe of erupted anguish and sweet bleak misery. We are so often driven by impulsion to annihilate each other through unforgiving moments of distress and indignity dressed in platinum coated insults. It is so much simpler and much more gratifying to succumb to the animalistic instinct of spontaneity; letting our jaws gnaw at the internalized oppression in others, allowing the blood of their regrets trickle down our veiny thorny necks, creating a stream of another’s vivid crimson. We have grown into habitually inducing the labor of our malignant thoughts into action. A hereditary evil surfacing from the sudden whim of our realm of existence. We are, in fact, our own worst enemies. The insecurities that form within from years of societal conditioning become projected unto those within our periphery and so the cycle begins. It continues until we all become lipstick stained mirrors overcome with words of our innermost fears. Creating a lifetime venture of pseudo-perfection has us treading on a tightrope of self-doubt and lost hope, refusing and dubious in thinking for ourselves, allowing the entitled to feed us spoonful upon spoonful of what we would like to hear, letting the overall stature of another chunk of flesh determine our decisions for us; we stand in fear of taking uneducated missteps and plunging to our deaths.

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