After a lifetime of emotional highs and lows, I have gradually learned the steps that I can take in order to find my way back to myself. Oftentimes, I allow others to morph me into my best version of them. In the process, I end up losing touch with my reality. It sounds odd but I tend to have a knack for becoming other people. I become their interests, their ideals, their opinions, their morals, their wants and needs. I encompass their entire being. This may stem from my habitual tendency to want to emotionally heal others. I will go through this process recurrently and “forget” about my own ability to feel. Immediately after, a strong beaming light will awaken me into the sudden realization that my emotions are not being taken into consideration and will go through, what I call, my purging process.
We know that purging is a process in which one gets rid of anything that is unwanted. In this process, I get rid of any negativity caused by someone I considered a loved one. I will get rid of negativity in my mental and physical realm. During the purge, I will cry. Any emotions that I need to rid myself of, I let out. This process is like leaving a pot full of water on the stove over high heat.. you will eventually blow over. What I have come to understand is that in order to grow, we must tackle our feelings face to face. So I give myself time to tackle mine shamelessly. Any unwanted feelings are then released.
People are afraid of vulnerability. In our modern age, a vast majority of young adults near my age seem to have a belief that lacking emotions makes us stronger. When in reality, tackling the emotions head on is what really makes us stronger. The moment a human being allows themselves to feel wholeheartedly, we open ourselves to learning many lessons. This, in time, makes us knowledgeable as individuals. I believe that when we create a mental block to shield ourselves from hurt, we dehumanize ourselves. Hurt is there and it is equally as important as any other emotion. Hurt tests the limits and capacity of our strength and our ability to love/continue loving. It is our job to kick its ass time after time.
“Anything beautiful is worth getting hurt for.” – Prince