My Sincerest Apologies; Maybe in Another Life

(An unsent letter to N.H)
I must let you go now. It was not in the stars. Not in the crystal ball. Not in the skies. It was not our truth. We had no beginning but were faced with an end. I was I and you remained you. From the little insight I cultivated throughout our brief journey there was much to be gained and I thank you for that. Through you, I have realized my worth. I have compensated for the inner loss I suffered when I voluntarily left my ego at the hands of a man to control the strings like a puppet to his puppeteer. A dummy to his ventriloquist. You did not allow me the chance to fully commit myself to you as I had, with others, countless times in the past. So in an odd way, I respect you for it. Had you opened yourself up to the opportunity, I would of fully immersed myself in everything that is you. Many times before, I handed my dignity effortlessly over to another in the sacred name of selfish love. But you. You spared me the agony of watching myself self destruct just to please you. You do not realize what you did but I am glad I have. We had no intentions of a future… that is true. My obscured vision would have sent me into a path of self destructive love where my dignity would have been interchanged for your time. If given the opportunity. You unknowingly stripped me of any desire and left me yearning for your most intimate self. Your soul. There is no compulsion bigger than wanting to trace the inner works of a person’s whole essence. Even now, I crave it despite the fact that you are no longer in my presence.

 

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